Beta Blocker D Day

Ok so I have been avoiding this for weeks, hoping I would get better without medical intervention.

This morning I finally took my first Beta Blocker. All weekend I have felt an un-nerving sense of utter dread. The feeling is so frustrating that all I can do to release it is cry like a baby!! I woke this morning at 5am to constant heart flutters and a dreamlike state which I couldnt shake off in exchange for a relaxing sleep.

I felt restless, irriitable and my heart just wouldnt quit. I decided then that I couldnt fight it alone any longer. I need some help to get me through this

So I did it.

Its 10.43 currently and I have to say I feel slighly calmer. What is odd, is when my mind has the usual thoughts of dread, I can feel them moving towards the usual triggers, sweaty palms, nervous belly and heart flutter – yet there is nothing.

Stupidly, I have decided to look up the side affects and now swear I am having trouble breathing. I am a nightmare and I need to make today the first day of my ‘kick the arse of anxiety’ journey.

Beta Blockers today… CBT next

I have a dental appointment in an hour….

This is also my first Blog post so a way of easing you in to my crazy mind

I have been up since 4 am worrying about the potential hazards of my upcoming filling

1. He drills through my skill

2. I feel it

3. I faint

4. I swallow amalgum

I know that I will survive and I will be ok but I have still wasted all morning worrying.

Thats 4.5 hours of my life gone.

My ‘healthy minds’ counsellor tells me that writing about my anxiety experiences will help so I have set up my first ever attempt at a blog. I am terrifyed of writing for people to read and judge and I am terrified of the thought of you thinking this is terrible. But more improtantly I am absolutely determined to survive Anxiety so I figure anything is worth a go.

I would love to hear from anyone else who has irrational dental fears… maybe not until 11 am though when I am all done. AND ALIVE

🙂

Claire